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Webcomic Whimsy: Nextuus!

Welcome to the Woohooligan Weekly Webcomic Whimsy! If you're a webcomic author and would like a review, you can see my announcement and review rules here.

Title: Nextuus: the Search for the Ocean Shard

Author: "Undoubting" Thomas Hotka • Facebook • Twitter • DeviantArt • YouTube

Site: Nextuus.com

Genres: Action, Adventure, SciFi, Space Opera, Cyberpunk, Espionage, Illuminati, Treasure Hunting, Psychic, Square-eyed minecraft people

Rating: PG13, T for Teen(?) - some language and violence

Updates: Tues, Thurs, Sat

My Starting Point (requested by artist): Chapter 8.

Synopsis: Space opera treasure hunters in a world with aliens and psychics. (I couldn't find an official synopsis on the site.)

Nextuus is the name of an Earth-like planet in some other part of our galaxy that's been settled by humans (the Confederation), and subsequently conquered by another alien race called Donts. (Rhymes with font.) According to geologist Alec Dougan, the crew of the hoverplane (not starship) the Truemark are treasure hunters. Their green-haired boss and pilot, Randall Lockheed, prefers "entrepreneur". Once famous for his exploits, Randall will find anything for the right price, although he's fallen on hard times and disbanded his crew for many months. The story opens on a new job and Randall getting the band crew back together. Add in an illuminati-like cabal of psychics and it makes for an interesting setting.

I see a lot of influences in this work: Star Wars, cyberpunk, a little Star Trek, etc. but what it reminds me of most (despite the inclusion of Aliens), is Joss Whedon's sci-fi TV series, Firefly. To be fair, Tom Hotka and I have been friends for several years, though I never got around to reading his comic work until now. He actually waited in queue like everyone else for this review and has been real patient with me while I've been struggling with some health issues in recent months. In any event, when I say it reminds me of Firefly more than of Star Wars or anything else, I mean that what I've read of the story focuses a lot on the personal relationships of the crew, who resemble the Firefly crew quite a bit. The crew's hoverplane is described as an "ancient" junker (Serenity), their mechanic is a wide-eyed girl named Elle (Kaylee), who came aboard to escape the utter boredom of her one-horse town and who doesn't seem to notice that Aareck (Simon) has a massive crush on her. Randall (Mal+Wash) claims to be all-business, but it's implied that it's all really about getting back together with his ex, Liz (Inara).

Admittedly, I'm playing a bit loose here, since Aareck isn't a doctor, he's not looking after a psychic sibling with a tragic history, the psychics are an illuminati-like cabal called the Waywachrie, and I assume Liz' profession is not companion. The major players in the political climate do however include the Confederation (probably more like Firefly's Alliance than Star Trek's Federation), and while weapons look to me like conventional firearms (Firefly) and there are no Star-Wars style lightsabers (that I can tell), swords appear to still be common (okay, Mr Universe made the point that the sword was weird in the movie, so maybe this isn't a Firefly thing).

As an aside, I have to give Tom props for some decent disguise humor. ;)

Also, my first impression while looking for some kind of synopsis was that it seemed a little Seussical when I started reading about Ways and Donts on the About page. You see, there was a Dont War, but not with Ways, because Ways don't war, Dont's war. Let's all be grateful where aren't any Whos... yet. It's a bit less comical once you realize Dont rhymes with font, but you'd have to read their description for the pronunciation guide. It occurs to me also that there's no page to describe the Confederation, which is described as the human government in the descriptions for the Nix (think CIA) and the Nextuus Planetary Defense Force (NPDF), and I'd like to see the crew of the Truemark separated from non-crew characters on the About page. And in general, I think a synopsis of the story would be helpful on that About page as well.

Tom asked me to start reading at the beginning of Chapter 8.

I dunno... is it normal to go through all that procedure when your engine is belching thick black smoke and you're crashing or damn near? "This is your captain speaking, at this time we're going to initiate crash-landing procedures, but first we're going to let the flight attendants finish taking your drink orders."

Two comments on the art here. First, although it's a bit hard to look at, that double-vision effect does a really nice job of simulating the shaking camera effect. Nice job, Tom. Second, and I'll expand on this a little more later, but I think this page could have had two of these panels, and possibly a panel or two from the following page could have been included here. The dialogue from the tower could have been presented in the same panel with Randall's dialogue, and in general, I don't see the visuals in the middle two panels adding any information to the scene.

No, we're not screwed! We're option-challenged!

To be honest, I think "you're coming in a little too steep" would have been a great punchline at the end of that first page.

Wait... is she fixing her hair during a plane crash?! <looks back> Oh, her hair was on fire, she's putting it out. I thought you were supposed to stop drop and barrel roll...

Also... you're allowed to just hang-up on air-traffic?!

I think I would have made the latter 3 panels here a single panel and daisy-chained the dialogue balloons together, using just the art from panel 3, or possibly a profile shot like panel 2 from the first page.

I think this is the moment where I really started thinking about Firefly. That line from Elle about parts falling off the plane just feels so close to the opening of the Serenity movie.

This is also the point at which I start feeling like there's a pacing issue. I realize I'm sounding like a broken record, and maybe people will just write it off when I say this from now on, I'm certainly not any kind of authority, but most of the comics I've reviewed so far seem to me to be slow getting important info to the reader. It's not always the same kind of info, for example, when I read Modest Medusa I interpreted it as primarily being a slice-of-life comedy (surreal though it was), and there the missing info seemed to be details about the main character's life (family, job, etc). In Next Town Over, which is a steampunk action/adventure, there's obviously a backstory that Erin was trying to keep in the dark and let readers piece together, although I felt like the brief glimpses of backstory were infrequent and often too short to be meaningful for me as a reader.

Nextuus gives me a wholly different kind of "sluggishness" for lack of a better term. I feel like the story is moving and things are being revealed, but that Tom is giving me too many visuals, which bumps the page count up. It's not too noticeable at first, I'm just reading along, but then over time, those creeping page counts seem to add up and I end up feeling like a whole chapter went by without revealing much information. At present, Nextuus is 34 chapters and a total of 1053 pages, and while I'm sure there are fans out there who enjoyed every page, for my part, I'm thinking about the printed volumes. What's that? At least 10 trade paperbacks? I know Tom's had four successful Kickstarters for volumes of Nextuus so far, and in his video for the last one he said the first three volumes were fifteen chapters, so if a chapter averages around 20-25 pages, you're looking at five chapters per volume being 100-125 pages? That can't be right... not with over 1k pages so far...

Okay, I'm getting into the weeds here, I apologize. What I'm getting at is that any extra panels or extra pages are going to drive up the price of the books. You could still get Volume 4 for $25 on his last Kickstarter, which is a reasonable price for a trade paperback, but I wonder if the size didn't eat into Tom's margin and make it harder for him to make ends meet in the long run. So... long story short, Tom, I think if you could cut a few of those panels in future chapters, it might help you bring costs down and may even help bring sales up if the readers feel like it's more "action packed" that way.

And that's where we get the two page landing sequence that I feel like really could have been one page.

That picture of Elle at the top grabbing the co-pilot seat, I feel like really would have worked better as the last panel on the previous page, also because then you get to see her standing behind the chair and then grabbing it without the page-break as an interruption.

So if you put the first panel from the previous page onto this page with these three panels, I think that would have worked out nicely.

The big dude on the right is One-15, who joined the crew in response to an ad. He's said to be from the planet Carthe and while the details of his anatomy are left ambiguous (I think intentionally), he certainly feels to me like a robot with an air of Star Wars (you can't say "droid", or the big silly mouse will sue your ass into the last century).

While I'm on the subject of pacing, it feels to me like Tom is kind of married to individual pages being 3 or 4 panels. This page in particular, although it is four panels, certainly feels like it has plenty of empty space that could have been used for another panel or two. Shift the first panel over to the left, slide panel 2 up on its right side, repeat with panels 3+4 and you've got a whole third row that could be the top two panels from the following page.

Aww, Elle, don't you want a puppy?!

I think that second panel is meant to be a joke? I dunno... it feels either like it needed a little more work as a joke or it's sort of unnecessary in the page.

Fine, I'll get him, just stop looking at me like that! Seriously, what is that look in the first panel?

No place that's described as "south central" has ever been a good thing. It could be south-central Candy Land and you'd still take a gun just in case of a peppermint stickup... shoot them in the candy heart, wrap them in a trash-bag and drop their body in the ice-cream floats.

Also, dude! You totally had room for the first panel of the next page up there. Look at all that empty space!

Randall, look out! There's a zombie behind you!

Aww, One-15, don't you want a puppy?!

Mustn't... look... at... empty space!

Auuugh! The empty space! It was right there at the end of the previous page! Begging for this first silent panel.

I don't think I've read enough to know for sure, but I do feel like Tom is emphasizing Aareck's interest in Elle here while writing Elle as oblivious. That's not exactly the relationship between Kaylee and Simon in Firefly, as Kaylee always showed interest in Simon, she just wasn't sure if he felt the same way until they made the movie.

Following this, I don't feel like a whole page of Aareck's commute was really needed. Maybe just the last panel where he checks the address in front of the building.

Aareck and Alec... what are they Hobbits? Biffer, Boffer, Bofer, Ron, Don, John, Kurt, Burt, Bart, Evan, Devin, Kevin...

The "ding!" sound effect at the top I think could use a little more contrast, maybe a wider white border around the text and maybe lay it on top of the company logo, becuase when I first saw it, I saw "6 Ding!"

Man, I've heard of hostile work environments, but this is ridiculous! Dude quits and the boss thinks the best way to get him to come back is to berate him as he's walking out the door? That's like domestic abuse. Chill out. Try some meditation, or Xanax, or maybe Hair Club would help take the edge off.

Randall needs to lighten up? Your last boss is apoplectic, looks like his head's gonna explode and shower the room in bald-juice.

I really need more contrast on those dialogue balloons. Several of the tails for balloons in these office pages are virtually invisible, like the middle two panels on this page. I know you're not putting borders on your dialogue balloons in general, but I think you probably should have broke with tradition for these pages.

Cynthia doesn't know what she's lost, man... a guy like you, who can appreciate the finer things in life. Like the rush of addrenaline when you see a high PH balance in a soil sample!

In retrospect, I would be fine with this entire scene starting on this page (above). You could cut Aareck's commute, walking into the building, asking for Alec and all that stuff with him quitting his job. I get that there's a bit of comic relief with the boss, I'm just not convinced it's worth three whole pages for that one joke about the bald guy who desperately needs to switch to decaf.

And then in other places I feel like the dialogue could be an easy way to shave some pages. At the end of the page where Alex says "I've always been a little jealous of you", there's plenty of room to add "because you got to stay with Randall when he disbanded the crew." It would have saved you a panel and it wouldn't have changed the meaning of the dialogue in any significant way. I'm also iffy on the need for this whole page to point out that Tim is the kind of guy who holds grudges -- that's better explained via the character interaction in the subsequent pages where Randall talks to Tim (a good case of show, don't tell). Speaking of which, this whole page where Randall presses a doorbell also seems unnecessary. I could maybe use the opening shot of the side of the building, although I honestly think the next page (below) is fine on its own.

Yes, hatred has a hard use-by date. After two years it immediately molds and that's when you start doing crazy shit like scrap-booking newspaper clippings and writing cryptic letters in haiku under assumed names.

Anyway, Tim lets Randall in and they dispense with the small talk. (I really think those could have been one page.)

Ack! A minute ago when I called those newspaper clippings and haiku letters crazy... you know I was kidding, right? Tim? Buddy?

Man, I'd have thought they'd have much better reconstructive surgery this far in the future!

On the other hand, it's nice to see Baron Underbheit is keeping busy.

I said no small talk!

Anyway, Randall says he's all business, but Tim's convinced it's still about Liz.

One Way or the other, I can never really tell them apart... Are you sure it wasn't One Direction?

Now this is getting interesting though, because I'm like 24 pages into the chapter and so far I've mostly heard talk of broken hearts, broken airplanes, and soil samples. Now we're talking about psychics and anti-psychic devices, that's cool!

Oh, uh, hi Liz. Oh me? Emotionally scarring children with my horryfing visage, but let's not talk about me. How have you been?

Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly repurpose the cheapest random objects we can find as props. It's the best we could do with the budget the network gave us.

It looks like Randall's gonna keep psychics out of his head with a giant slinky. :P

Fashionating!

Anyway, that being the end of Chapter 8, I think this fairly makes my point about the pacing of the story. Yes, there was some information in this chapter about the character relationships, but the only movements in the plot were that Alec returned to the team and Randall replaced his slinky-helmet.

Chapter 9.

The bags under your eyes alone should be a dead giveaway!

Also, it's the elusive comb! The rarest relic in all the galaxy! All these characters seem to have that Dragonball-hair syndrome.

Oh, I forgot to mention, the continents on Nextuus are named Primaris, Secundus and Tertiann. I suppose it could be worse, they could be A-ko, B-ko and C-ko.

Is it common for war orphans to enlist? Oh wait... there was that one guy...

Trust me kid, the Clone Wars were overrated.

Oh, for Pete's sake!

Your uncle sounds like A. Square.

Not sure his reaction to the haircut needed a whole page, but they did need to make him unrecognizable.

Wait... didn't she have a comb a minute ago? Maybe she was distracted by all his impure thoughts. But what's a little non-consensual probing between friends? Incidentally, Katja felt the probe was necessary because Jon was given adrenaline-activated powers by a corporate experiment...

On our world, robot technology has only reached three feet. We could only dream of having robots like you, tall enough to dunk! We have to settle for robots that are tall enough to reach the kitchen counter... with help.

The text balloon in panel 2 is a good example of why I'm not a big fan of the square dialogue balloons. Here it's created a parallel and/or bump-up tangent, and possibly a "fake panel". If you're not familiar with tangents, Chris Schweizer has a good article about them that's tailored for cartoonists like us. On the whole though, the square dialogue balloons in Nextuus seem to create these kinds of issues quite often.

A good handshake involves bone fractures, check.

That was really two panels worth of content, max.

Aww, Elle, don't you want a puppy?!

Elle twerks the engines and Randall returns without Tim. (Maybe this page isn't unnecessary, but it feels like a lot of room to say "it's good to see you again, Tim's not coming.")

Challenge Accepted!

The last panel there wasn't really necessary -- One-15 is carrying a bag at the top of the following page, where Aareck stays to help Elle. Oh wait! That page had five panels. :P I'm not sure it needed a second page though to show Aareck getting ... rejected? Dude, if you ask to stay and help the mechanic, she's going to put you to work... whether you're hitting on her or not.

I'm dying to know!

Oooh, psychics 101! You'll never have to ask anyone to pass the salt again. Does it work on pepper? What about buffets?

Okay, but if you're going to teach me, maybe you should wash that oil off your face first. I smoke a lot, I don't want to catch your face on fire.

Luke, you can destroy the Emperor. He has forseen this. It is your destiny.

Oh, for Pete's sake!

Why do villains always put spotlights over their valuables? Why?!

Oh, that's not makeup, it's a scar. Anyway, that's the end of Katja's backstory for the moment and they rinse Jon's hair.

Given the context and the fact that Katja laughs, I'm thinking gray hair is supposed to be a joke? But without knowing why Jon is unhappy about it, I'm not sure I get the full effect. Have people joked about him being "old", like Aareck's objection to "pup"? Does it make him look like something or someone he wants to avoid? Even if it's just not liking looking old (eye-bags and all), I think it would make a snappier joke with a little additional response from Jon. Maybe, "Great, now if I can just remember where I left my cane/walker/Geritol/dentures."

Overall, I think all the elements of a really cool scifi story are here, I just think the script and page layouts could be a little tighter. In particular, I love the visual design of One-15, his ambiguous physiology (robot or armored organism?), and the use of him for comic effect. I also love the Waywachrie's Illuminati-like structure and I think their masks are pretty cool. They're described as "skull masks", but they look to me more like grinning ghosts because of their round shape. That's totally fine by me, if anything I think they would be a lot less cool if they looked like more realistic skulls. So a+ on design there, at least from me.

So there's my pitch. If you enjoy scifi stories with intrigue, psychic cabals, and a lot of personal relationships, check out Nextuus!

If you are a webcomic author and are interested in a review from me, you can check out my announcement and my review-request rules here.

If you enjoyed this and want to help me make more reviews, you can contribute on our Patreon or if you're short on funds you can also help by checking out and sharing my own comedy and laughtivist webcomic, Woohooligan!

Thanks to Tom, and to all of you reading, for sharing yourselves with us! Sam